After our wedding, every month was an excitement for me and hubby... that i will missed my period and finally get pregnant. To my depression, my period is always on time... as in walang absent, walang palya. Every night hubby and i pray together, that He'll bless as with a child (kahit isa lang). I cry a river everytime i had my period. Oh, how i wish and wanted to become a mother. After our 1st year of marriage, we have decided to ask for medical help. We started seeking for a doctor. We had our first OB Gyne, she gave me fertility pills for 2 consecutive months. No tests, no ultrasound, just fertility pills. It failed, we didn't conceive. We decided to seek another doctor. Our second OB Gyne gave me again fertility pills. I had an ultrasound every 12-14th day of my cycle. I had pregnyl shots after. He asked hubby to have seminalysis. Thank God, results are good. I was with her for almost six months, still nothing happened. We didn't conceive. Oh, i felt so depressed... Whenever i heard news such as abortion, child abuse, fetus thrown in trash can or toilet bowls, my heart breaks. Life is so unfair. Hubby would always there to comfort me... with his warm hugs. Oh how we wish to become parents. We seek again for another doctor. Our third OB Gyne asked hubby to have seminalysis again. Thank God results are fine except that he has UTI (just above normal). She gave hubby medicines to be taken for 2 weeks. Then results came normal. After that she asked me to have some blood tests (prolactin, FSH, LH). Results were fine, she gave me again fertility pills. My body and mind has been tired taking fertility pills. I was with her for 4 months. Oh, it's really draining... financially and emotionally + pressures from insensitive people around us who never stop asking why until now we still don't have a baby. Hubby and i again decided to seek another doctor that can help us. It's the fourth one. And we really hope and wish this is it! That she's the one God uses as an instrument for us to finally conceive. With my first day with her, she talked to me for almost one hour with series of interviews. I came back to her clinic upon her advice for me to have HSSG test to check if my fallopian tubes are patent. This is one of the hardest thing i had with my fertility work up. I was in the hospital for the whole day... The test results were not that fine. My left tube was blocked, my right tube was opened but my doctor told me that she has to inject more dye to open it. I cried a river again... i know it will give me a hard time conceiving. But my doctor was positive, she told me that i can still conceive, it will just only take time. And i know, lots of prayers. After my HSSG, we started our fertility work up again. I took fertility pills, metformin, pregnyl shots. I had series of ultrasounds and blood tests. Oh, i felt so tired. Last April 2008, my OB Gyne adviced me to take some rest, to stop seeing her for 4-5 months to let my body rest from taking medicines. I don't know what to do, though i really wanted to get pregnant, i took her advice. I tried to enjoy each day with hubby, hoping and wishing that one day we will be surprised. But every month, my monthly period was always on time. I cried, i cried, i cried!
I don't know how to react whenever i heard news from friends and officemates that they are pregnant. Yes, i'm happy for them... but i feel sad for myself, asking why can't be me. Why is everybody around me gets pregnant easily except me? Here i am again, thinking life is unfair... i know i shouldn't be. We have decided to see my doctor again this month if my monthly period comes. Hope this will be our luck! And now, here i am wishing, praying so hard that i get pregnant. I know God hears our prayers... and will bless us in His perfect time. We don't stop to belive in Him, miracles do happen. And i know soon, hubby and i will finally hold her in our arms.
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